Are you and your spouse stuck in endless miscommunication loops, making it hard to get back to a good, relaxed place where you both feel seen and supported?

Does it ever feel like when you express yourself, you end up making things worse?

I’m about to SHOW YOU a different way that will lead you and your partner (or future partner) to a better place.

Consider this...

Unresolved issues and persistent miscommunications can silently erode your marriage, causing more harm than you might realize. Left unaddressed, these problems can slowly eat away at the foundation of your relationship, leading to a painful and gradual decline.

Think of a recent time when you or your spouse had a disagreement where one or both of you felt misunderstood. What happened right after this?

Silence? Blame? More disconnection?

Chances are… you FELT the weight of it… maybe in your stomach, your heart, or your head… but it affected you somehow, somewhere…right?

That tension or “off” feeling stayed with you throughout your day, and it impacted your work, your focus, your social interactions and your vibe.

You lost sleep. You didn’t eat. You felt bad. And instead of facing it together, you went about your parallel lives, distracted by work, mindlessly scrolling, or staying busy.

I’m sure you can relate.

But what if I told you that not working through this stuff consistently can take years off your life?

Here’s how it works

When you get triggered by your spouse, a painful thing happens…

The first thing is you disconnect as a way to protect yourself.

Then on a subtle level, the issue or “fight” can trigger a previous communication breakdown that never got resolved between the two of you.

Then…

Each new breakdown with your spouse, compounds or “stacks” onto the previous one, and a cascade of negative memories comes flooding in, making it very hard to communicate effectively. And it can make the distance between you harder to cross.

This is why little fights and miscommunications can feel like big fights and cause more problems.

Ugh.

But it doesn’t stop there.

These same communication breakdowns can also trigger your earliest childhood wounds from your family of origin when things didn’t go well.

So now, when a present day fight occurs, the stored charged energy from your childhood either comes spilling out sideways or reinforces why you’re better off alone.

By the way, every communication breakdown that doesn’t get resolved goes into long-term memory compounding what scientists call “allostatic load” which means that unresolved stressful communication issues create a certain “wear and tear” on the body.

This is the part that takes years off your life (check out the Gottman’s research that says the couples that know how to work through communication breakdowns live 10 years longer than couples who don’t know how).

But because you are a smart and adaptive creature like me, you find ways around the pain. You distract, play nice, minimize, blame them, or walk on eggshells, tip toe, avoid the hard conversations, and hope like hell you don’t step on another landmine.

But the only problem here is, you’re making it worse!

These patterns keep you stuck, causing you to re-experience the same communication problems over and over again because you’re unconsciously trapped in a repeating pattern.

This is so damn frustrating and begins to erode your self-trust and the trust inside the marriage.

You begin to doubt that the two of you can solve it, alone or together.

You’re skeptical about seeing a therapist because in your experience it hasn’t helped much.

But, a few days, glasses of wine, or a few Netflix shows later, things feel normal again, errr…sort of.

Yet the problem is, NOTHING actually got dealt with or worked through. The pattern is still there, locked in place. There was no successful resolution or repair, which keeps both of you in self-protective, guarded, and fearful of more conflict or communication problems.

Unless you can remove the deeply-rooted communication blocks that are stuck in your relationship, you will remain right where you are…

…in a marriage, but feeling hurt, misunderstood, and……ALONE.

These communication breakdowns will keep re-occurring, and you won’t be able to move forward regardless of how hard you try…